“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”
Wednesday 5 November 2014
Universal Rules Of The Software World
Every Industry has its set of rules and regulations, myths and truths, etc. Similarly, the software world too is bugged by its very own rules, myths and truths! Here they are.....
You will always land into a project that has lesser number of girls than a project that your friend/enemy gets into.
If you happen to be in the project with the higher number of girls, then your friend will happen to be in a project that has only 2 girls in it, but they will be the most gorgeous girls in the whole organization.
The project you get selected for will have less amount of learning than other projects.
While you brag about the brand name of the company you work in, your friend in a lesser known company will give you shit about technology, platform, tools, etc., that you would rarely ever work on! You'll just nod in pretentious agreement.
Your friend from another project will get onsite opportunity before you do. In case you do get an onsite opportunity, your friend from another company will be paid more more money than you.!
When your friends who are onsite put a facebook status. "hey...ma life is cool. Yeah. I just went on a 9-hour car drive to New York! Yo", all you can do is 'Like' that status! You don't comment on it because you know that you deserved to be onsite more then your friend did!
You get a mail from your Project manager confirming your onsite opportunity. you update your Facebook status, "U.S, here I come!!!" 59 friends like that status and 45 will comment on it. Then you will go for the visa interview. The official who grants visa won't like your face. Visa rejected. No question asked. You will go to facebook and delete status update, as if you never posted it.
You here about your friends from other companies pataoing beautiful girls when they went onsite. In case you like a girl, even from your own project, and feel taht she is 'the one' when proposed, she will turn out to be a good-mumma-pappa's girl and reject right on your face!
Your friends who have been lucky to get an onsite opportunity sooner in life than you, will already have bought 2 houses (with full cash payment), whereas you will waste your life offshore and struggle to manage even the '15% of the total value of the property' mandatory cash required in real estate deals!
You are a handsome guy working offshore since last 5 years. Your friend is not at all good looking, but has been working onsite since last 3 years. Both of you create profiles on the same matrimony site. Your friend will be approached by 30 girls in 5 days, You will struggle to get even a single "Expression of Interest" from a girl. Thank your stars if you are not approached by some boy! Then, you both like the same girl on the matrimony site and express interest. Take my word--- Your ugly friend WILL get the girl! You wait for 4 weeks for that girl's reply only to get an engagement invitation from your friend! of course you'll meet the girl----only at your friend's engagement!
Just when you're about to loose all interest in matrimonial websites, you will officially go to see a potential match at her house. She knows that you are a software engineer. You wonder if she is in her senses to have agreed to meet you, despite knowing that you are a software engineer. You check her sanity by asking her, "Woman, what do you think of Kamal R Khan? KRK? You must have surely heard of him?" If she replies, "Ohh.... he is awesome. I love him!" you must rush towards the exit door. However, If she replies, "Who KRK?" or, "Oh, he is an ass hole", you have a reason to stay. She's pretty sane. Next, she brings you a cup of tea and a plate of samosas. Your could-be in-laws ask you about your salary and any experience visiting a foreign country. You reveal your salary and say that you never been onsite. The smile and hope on their faces disappear! They also conclude that you are a good-for-nothing. Suddenly you could-be-in-laws turn in to could-have-been-in-laws! This is the law of Life! kya karen!
You suddenly realise that impressing some hot chick, or getting married via arranged-marriage is not your cup of tea. You open your school album and see if any of your female classmates are still single, or looking at typing the knot.
You first try enquiring about once who are hot. You come to know that they have already been booked in their B.A. or B.com years, while you were trying to be an engineer.
You then lower your expectations and try for the passable ones, who, you thought, liked you when you were in school. They ignore you, because you didn't reciprocate back then. Too late now.
In a desperate bid to get married, you then approach those female classmates who didn't exist for you in those days, and you only joked about them then, "Haha... only some jack-ass would marry these Kantabai look alikes!" Then lady luck gives you the worst kick in your groin. You come to know that even they have got married. As if that isn't enough, the next thing you learn is that had a love-marriage.
Your manager will always be worse than your friend.
You will always get a lower rating than your peers, who you always thoughts were dumber than you!
Your canteen will always serve the worst food possible.
In case you shift to another project with the wish of working on a better technology, you would soon realise that the 'devolpment' phase is over and all that you have to do is 'production support'.
You always try to steal someone Else's User Id/Password for accessing the Internet; while your friends from other projects or companies have no such firewalls!
You get a fed up of your job and post your CV on a few job sites. You get two calls in three weeks. Frustrated with the weak response, you update your CV and again upload it on those job sites, with the expectation that your 'fresh' application will attract more employers. Yo get one call in two weeks and that call is related to opening for freshers in your stream of engineering.
You became desperate. You begin to realise that your resume is not up to the mark. So you ask your friends for their CV and blindly copy whatever they have written in their resumes.
You don't even care to correct the grammatical mistakes. Finally you get some interview call, and all that you're able to answer are those questions that appeared in the 'Jawa interview questions' document that your friend forwarded you!
Finally, some pigeons shits on you and you get selected in some company. You type your resignation mail and wait for your manager's reply. You expect him to reply, "Hey..... what happened? Why are you leaving? Don't go. We will give you an onsite opportunity. We will give a raise, a promotion or anything you want!" You smile in anticipation of such a mail. Indeed, a new mail from your manager pops up. It reads, "Best of luck for your future. You can tell your new employer that you can join them in two weeks, instead of the normal two months notice period." So, dear reader, These are some of the rules and bitter truths of the software world!
No comments:
Post a Comment