There are many myths and truths associated with the software world!
Myth:- Software engineers are the best paid species in the world.
Truth:- Now-a-days, even the engineers from crore industries earn more than software engineers with the same experience.
Myth: My friend works in one of the biggest IT firms in India. So, I am sure that he must be earning a lot!
Truth: Your friend is just like Rat caught in a mousetrap when allured by cheese! More often than not, at least in India, the package is inversely proportional to the size of the company. So, the smaller the company, the better the package; and the larger the company, the smaller is the package.
Myth: Software engineers stand a better chance of pataoing a girl.
Truth: Girls, now a days, have become smart and want person who can spend time with them. Girls know what software engineers have to spend a minimum of 9 hours in office. After staring at the computer for 9 hours, the software engineers become very tired and lose any interest in not just sex, but also in the opposite sex! That's why non-IT girls prefer non-It boys. An exception to this truth truth is a software engineer who has been onsite for at for a long time! Perhaps this is because the girls don't want to spend the rest of their lives travelling in trains and buses in India! The guy's looks or nature has very little to do with it.
Myth: Every software engineer can impress a girl with his salary, designation and company's brand name.
Truth: According to a survey, more than 30% of girl in India have at least one brother. These brothers have one or more friends in the software world and, hence, these girls are aware that only those software engineers who are onsite tend to good life! The once in India spend 5 hours travelling, 9 hours in office , 7 hours sleeping, 2 hours daily absolution and rest of the time----Facebooking!. So these brothers know that offshore software engineers will never be able to keep their sisters happy. If you don't believe me, go and check out the matrimonial profile of girls these days. In the section titled 'Partner Expectations', they'd mention: Groom should prefer by be a 'software engineer in US or UK since last 3 years'!
Myth: I will get a good appraisal if I work hard.
Truth: A good appraisal is a bigger myth the Loch Ness Monster or Rakhi Sawant doing PhD in Aerospace Engineering at IIT Bombay. A project manager is supposed to fill all his team members in to a Bell curve. So, if his team size is 10, then this is how his team members are rated:
Band Number of members Rating
1 1 5
2 2 4
3 4 3
4 3 2
5 0 1
The section of which member will belong to which band is dependent largely on your rapport with the manager and how many times you have made him/her laugh. The team members belonging to the Band 4 don't give a shit to the jokes/statements of the managers. So the manager makes a mental notes of those members who are going to the part of the Band.
The team members belonging to the band 1:
1). Must have laughed on every joke spoken/thoughts by the manager. Yes, you read it right-Thought. This team member has to have a very strong telepathic connection with the manager.
2). Its too hot or too handsome.
3). Is the best boot licker the manager could have!
Myth: Changing the company for money will make me happy.
Truth: It is a human tendency to value new things in life. Be it money or girlfriend. As time files by, become old and boring. So, if you had a package of 8 lakhs, then sooner or later, you will get used to receiving 8 lakhs per year and would soon want to shift again!
Myth: Since I work in an air-conditioned office and don't have to face the dust, sun and pollution, I will be healthy.
Truth: The sedentary life of an IT job, produces a lot of ill-effects on the body. Heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc., are every common amongst techies.
Myth: When I join that big IT firm, I will use its swimming pool, badminton court and every other facility.... hurry!
Truth: The facilities that you see on big IT companies website are just to lure you to get into the quicksand of boring life. I have rarely seen my friends in such firms use those facilities.
Myth: I will go onsite and save a lot of money.
Truth: Many people go onsite to enjoy life. Some go to save money. But you can't to do both.
Let me explain this mathematically.
Lets suppose that SET A consist of people who want to live their life king-size while they are onsite. And SET B consist of people who want to save money while they are onsite. In mathematical terms, the intersection of these 2 sets is 'null' set.
Non mathematically speaking, you can either live your life like a king or save money. You can earn in dollars, you have to spend in dollars too. Get the straight.
Myth: If I work in big software company, it will give me global exposure, and the experience will shine on my application form to the top B-school.
Truth: 60% of the applicants to any B-school are from IT! Every applicant from IT has 'global exposure'. He would have either been to US or UK or Europe. So you would not be able to fulfil the most important point that any B-school is looking for ----"How do you distinguish you self from other IT applicants?'
Myth: When I go onsite I will not think about money and just do everything that I want to do. Eat, travel, indulge and own all the gadgets that I may need !
Truth: If you are a hard-core Indian, you will jot lose your Indian-ness wherever you go. So the moment you do any transaction in another country, say the US---be it tipping the cab-driver, buying ahot-dog, buying shoes, having haircut or anything that in voles money--- you will multiply the number of dollars you spend by 50 and try to figure out how much it would cost, had you done it in India. And this is what goes around in the head of an average Indian:
"Hmm..... I need to have haircut today.... (you go to a nearby saloon).... Ailaa.... Haircut for $10.99! matlab 10.99*50=Rs. 555 ... ailaa.... In India it costs me Rs.50 at good saloon re.... why should I spend Rs. 555 here. I would rather wait for a few more months and then go to India and then have a haircut. Till then, I will update my profile on Facebook with my current long-haired look. Let me see how many 'Likes' I get..."
Myth: I have heard that big IT companies have a lot of beautiful girls. I will befriend one of them and bring her home and...
Truth: Stop! Just to remind you what I'd said in an earlier.....
You will always land into a project that has lesser number of girls than a project that your friend/enemy gets into.
If you happen to be in the project with the higher number of girls, then your friend will happen to be in a project that has only 2 girls in it, but they will be the most gorgeous girls in the whole organisation.
In case your lady luck is at her best, you might get into a project that has a beautiful girl. Chances of this happening are as high as going for fishing and netting a Gujarati speaking dolphin or a Tamil speaking Octopus!
Dear readers, gone are the days when you had either beautiful girls or brainy girls, but not a combination. Since science and technology have gone far ahead of what you can imagine, nowadays there is no dearth of girls with the lethal combination of beauty and brains. I don't know how much science had to do with this phenomenon, but whatever! Anyway, in case you manage to impress such an intelligent beauty, please do mail me about her. I would like to join your company and net such an earthing for myself too!
I could keep busting more myths, but there are more pressing matters. Like being on the bench, for example.
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